Welcoming Hazel Mae

I can hardly believe our little Hazel Mae is already two months old!  She is seriously the sweetest thing that ever was, and I can hardly remember what life was like without her!  She took her time coming to us, but she was definitely worth the wait!

At my 37 week appointment I was explaining our situation to Dr. Godwin (being home to have the baby, Brandon having to go back to Australia 4 weeks after my due date, and me planning to go back as soon as possible after having the baby).  She suggested that we strip my membranes at my 38 week appointment to help encourage things along.  I was a bit surprised that she encouraged it so early, but I wasn't saying no!  Up until that point I had felt like this baby was still so far away, so I started getting more serious about getting things ready.  I started packing my bags, bought some diapers and a few things I thought I'd need.  Long story short, over the next few weeks I had nothing more than a few Braxton Hicks, and had my membranes stripped every week to try and encourage things along.  My due date came and went, and I tried every induction method that you can google.  Yes, I even drank the magical castor oil/orange juice concoction.  But baby Steedo was just snug as could be, and nothing was making her budge (although at this time we were convinced that it was a boy!)

I went in to the doctor the Monday after my due date (6 days overdue), hoping to convince her to induce me the next morning.  I was so done being pregnant and was ready to meet my little baby.  It was a new doctor that I hadn't seen before, and she explained that they would induce me on Wednesday morning, when I was 41 weeks.  Now, if we want to get REALLY technical, I was actually 41 on Tuesday because my dating ultrasound was done in Australia, which is a day ahead, but that's besides the point I guess.  I asked if there was any way I could be induced on Tuesday instead, because Brandon had to leave in a couple weeks for Australia and we wanted to have as much as a family together before he had to leave.  She quickly responded with a firm "no", explaining that if I was induced before I was ready there was a chance it would fail and I would have to wait a few more days before trying an induction again.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up a little.  That one more day seemed like an eternity!  She checked me and I was about 2cm dilated and 50% effaced, which she felt was favorable for a successful induction.  Which of course made my hormonal overdue self even more upset (drama queen, I know).  If it was so favorable why couldn't they do it a day early?!  But she wasn't budging.  She stripped my membranes again (now the FIFTH time I had it done) and told me to be at the hospital Wednesday morning.  I promptly drove to the coulees to walk off some of my frustration and make a tearful phone call to my mom.  Then, after accepting the fact that I wasn't going to put myself into labor and there was nothing else I could do, I went home and took a nice long nap. 

I relaxed for the next couple of days and went to bed Tuesday night with my bags packed and ready to go.  We tried to get to bed early that night, but still didn't turn out the lights until about 11:30.  I tossed and turned as usual, and I think slept for a couple of hours before getting up at 2:30 to go to the bathroom.  I felt a little trickle as I walked and then a big gush as soon as I sat on the toilet.  I questioned whether my water had just broken, but I wasn't entirely sure, so I just headed back to bed. I laid there wide awake for a half hour or so, and felt another big gush as I rolled over in bed.  I figured that must have been my water breaking, but Brandon looked so peaceful sleeping so soundly that I didn't wake him up right away.  I got up and ate a midnight snack of a banana muffin and a glass of milk, and did a last minute check that I had everything I needed in my hospital bag.  At about 3:00 I woke Brandon up and told him what was going on, and we decided to call the hospital to see if we needed to come right away or if we should just go in at 6:30 like we had previously planned.  They told us they for sure wouldn't be sending us home once we got there, since I was already booked to be induced, and that we should come before 6:30, although we didn't need to rush in.  We headed to the hospital at about 4:30, checked into emergency, and headed upstairs to labor and delivery.

We were greeted by a friendly nurse and I was put into the semi-private induction room so they could do a non-stress test.  The nurse agreed with my suspicions that my water had broken so she decided not to check me and to just let Dr. Watke do it when she came in.  I laid in bed on the monitor for about half an hour, but nothing was happening (except my random gushes of amniotic fluid all over the bed!  That was not my favorite feeling...)  So we decided to go for a walk.  They wanted us to stay on the same floor in case we needed to rush back for any reason, and so they could find us if need be.  Turns out the third floor of the Lethbridge hospital isn't that big.  I quickly lost count of how many times we circled from ICU to day surgery, and then down the long empty hallway to the elevators.

We headed back into our room at about 7:30, and one of the nurses came in to inform me that a girl I knew had been assigned to be our nurse.  She just wanted to make sure that I was okay with it, and if not they would assign us another nurse.  I didn't mind at all, in fact it was kind of nice to have someone I knew!  We chatted a little about life and babies, and Kassidy calmed some of my fears about potentially being put in the dreaded oxytocin drip.  It seemed like everyone I had talked to in my pregnancy told me how horrible it was, so when my water broke and that became the only option for induction, I was a bit nervous.  Dr. Watke came in at about 8:00 and I was 2-3 cm, but still not having any contractions other than some mild period-like cramping.  She gave me a couple of options: 1) I could wait until 2:30 that afternoon when my water had been broken for 12 hours to see if I would go into labor on my own, or 2) I could start the drip and get things going.  I again expressed some of my nervousness about the drip, and Dr. Watke's response was perfect: "Here's the thing.  Labor hurts.  If you go into labor on your own, it will hurt.  But if you go on the drip and go into labor and it hurts, well then of course its the drip's fault.  The pain may come on more quickly and more intense, but I wouldn't say that a labor on the drip is more painful."  Okay then, bring it on.  "Perfect," she said, "we'll have a baby by 5 then?  Just kidding.  That's my optimistic guess.  Realistically it will probably be by midnight."  She was on her way and Kassidy came back to start my IV and get me hooked up to the monitors.  She told me that with her first baby her water had broken and she had to be induced with the drip.  "It worked quickly and efficiently, but it worked!" I have to say I liked everyone's honesty on the matter.  Don't try and sugar coat it for me - just tell me how it is!

The day I delivered it was crazy busy in labor and delivery, and we waited for a little bit before starting the drip to see if I could be put in a private room.  By this time there was another lady in the bed next to me getting induced as well.  After about an hour, Kassidy decided just to start the drip and we'd move when the next room came available.  So 9:00 things began.  I remember Kassidy bringing my breakfast tray, but I wasn't super hungry at the time.  She mentioned having breakfast a couple of times, and now I understand why!  Good thing I ate it when I did, because had it wasn't long before there were other things to focus on.  By 10:00 I was having contractions roughly every 3 minutes, and I had to concentrate to get through them.  This is where I put my hypnobirthing skills to work by doing my alphabet repetition (A...a...a...a...b...b...b...b...).  Brandon was his usual light-hearted, chatty self, and I remember thinking to myself "Can't you just focus on what is going on here?!" but I'm pretty sure I never actually said it.  He caught on pretty quick though :)  I remember the nurses coming in to check on me and making comments about how quickly I was responding to the drip and how well it was working, and then increasing the drip before leaving the room.  That's one thing I didn't realize...in my mind they put you on the drip until you started having contractions, and once things were progressing they just left the drip where it was.  Kassidy had told me before starting the drip that they could stop it if things were getting too intense and contractions were compounding on each other, but they wouldn't turn it off or down because of pain, because that was kind of the point.  As things picked up though it was a struggle to look back at the IV pump and see that it had been increased again - I was sure it was working well enough!  haha.  Because I was induced on the drip I also had to be monitored my entire labor, so I could look back at the strip printing and see that I really was having contractions as often as it seemed - I was almost hoping that it was just in my head!

About 10:30 things were pretty intense and I was still only 3-4 cm so I decided I needed something for pain.  My blood pressure was also high (up to 170/100ish at one point) so they gave me some meds to bring it down and sent off blood work for HELLP syndrome, just to be safe.  I had a dose of morphine and gravol and shortly after I was moved into my own room.  I'm pretty sure Kassidy had to fight the other nurses to get me into that room, but I'm glad she did!  I was getting pretty uncomfortable and didn't really want to be sharing a room by that point.  Even just the move was a mental challenge for me.  We waited until my contraction finished then bee lined down the hall before the next one started.  I got settled in there and decided to try sitting on the exercise ball instead of laying in bed.  Which, I might add, was the best decision ever.  I pretty much didn't get off that ball for the rest of my labor unless I absolutely had to.  By this point my mom had arrived and helped me through my contractions by coaching me to switch up my breathing.  Before this point I was trying the long inhale/long exhale breathing, but we switched to shorter, more puffing kind of breathing, which totally helped.  Every time a contraction came I would panic a little bit, but as long as someone was looking me in the eyes and breathing with me I could handle it.  My mom helped me through a few contractions, and then Brandon took over.  I seriously couldn't have done it without him.  As I sat on the ball, leaning over the bed with every contraction, he leaned over the other side of the bed, looked me in the eyes, and held my hands,  squeezing my fingers in the rhythm that I needed to breathe.  He didn't move for hours and I'm sure he must have had a sore back by the end.



At about 11:30 I was starting to feel like things were picking up and I asked to be checked again.  I was 6 cm and decided I needed a little something to get me through the next 4 cm.  I didn't really want an epidural, so I decided to go for another dose of morphine.  Kassidy, my mom, and I discussed whether I should go for the full 10mg dose or just take half, but after checking with the charge nurse we decided to go for the full 10 as I probably had more than 3 hours until the baby would be born and it wouldn't likely affect the baby.  The next few hours are kind of a blur to be honest.  The morphine made me pretty stoned and I basically just sat on the ball, breathing away, and dosing off between contractions.  Its a good thing Brandon was holding my hands because I was a little tipsy sitting on that ball!  My contractions were all really focused in the front, so I would try to lean back a little bit to ease up some of the pressure, but in doing so I was a little off balance.  haha. Exhibit A:

Around 1:00, Dr. Watke and her student dropped by to see how things were going.  I got back into bed (which I dreaded doing every time I got checked) and was 8 cm!  She didn't stay long and I just kept on doing my thing.  About 2:30 I got up to the bathroom and told Kassidy I thought maybe I needed to push.  I was 9 cm and seriously - that next hour was definitely the hardest!  We decided to change positions, so I kneeled up on the bed and leaned over the head of the bed.  Every contraction seemed like an eternity and I just remember thinking "I'm sure this has gone on long enough.  Why hasn't she checked me again?  Why is nobody asking me if I need to push?"  I remember hearing about "transition" and I finally understood what everyone meant.  THIS was transition.  The part where you just want to throw in the towel.  Finally after about an hour I asked to be checked again and I was a 10!  Oh happy day.  Kassidy said the baby's head was really low and ready to go so it shouldn't be long.
I started pushing at 3:25, with Brandon holding my right leg and Kassidy my left.  At first I clearly didn't know how to push, because I was still kind of breathing through my pushes.  Well my mom, nurse Susie put an end to that right quick. "Amy!  You can't breathe and push.  Just hold your breath and pretend like you're having a poop."  All of a sudden my pushes were way more effective!  Kassidy said to try having 3 good pushes with every contraction, and everyone kept telling me how great I was doing.  And how much HAIR this baby had!  About 10 minutes into the pushing, Dr. Watke poked her head in to see how things were coming, "Oh wow, I'll go get changed quick!".  Thank the heavens.  It was so nice to hear everyone talk about how soon this baby would be here.  I had been told that the pushing felt the best, but it was still so exhausting!  I can't imagine having to push like that for hours.  My contractions kept coming about every 2 minutes, and I was giving 3 or 4 good pushes with each one.  Dr. Watke and her student came back and Dr. Watke kept saying how impressed she was with how well I was doing. ("I keep forgetting you don't have an epidural!")  Then came the ring of fire.  The other thing that I had heard so much about, but couldn't really appreciate until I had experienced it.  I've tried to block that part from my memory.  But it was definitely motivation to keep giving effective pushes!  Only a couple pushes later and our little GIRL came out all in one push!  The cord had been wrapped around her neck and she was a bit tangled in it, so Dr. Watke was going to deliver the head and unwrap the cord, then deliver the body, but she just came all at once.  "She's all tangled up," said the med student.  "SHE?!"  My jaw must have hit the floor.  We were convinced we were having a boy!  Dr. Watke commented how we seemed surprised, so I had to clarify that we were very happy with a girl, just surprised!

They clamped the cord quick and handed me my little girl.  She was so perfect.  She had so much hair!  And...she was a little bit blue.  Between aspirating a little bit of meconium and getting tangled in the cord, she was having a little trouble breathing and she wasn't crying (her first apgar score was a 6).  So I only held her for a minute before Kassidy took her back, "Your baby is fine, but we're just going to take her over here for a minute."  The NICU team was called and they gave her a quick suction.  Up until this point I hadn't cried, but after that suction she let out a big cry and my tears started flowing.  That was my little girl!  She was finally here, healthy and strong.
 
Once our little girl had pinked up a bit they handed her back to me and Brandon and I just stared at her, commenting on how perfect she was.  And that she was a girl!  We both fell instantly in love with her, and she's had Brandon wrapped around her little finger since day one.  We had always talked about how if we had a boy he would be Brandon's little sidekick, and I never had to wonder if he would have rather had a boy.  Watching him become a dad has been the most precious thing, and he is the best dad I could ask for for our little girl.




The next day it came time for us to decide on a name.  Hazel was always at the top of our list, and it was an easy pick because we each have a grandma named Hazel.  There were a few other names on our list, but that just seemed to suit her so well that we never even really considered anything else. Brandon wrote "Hazel Mae Steed" on the whiteboard in our room and we decided that would be her name.  We filled out the forms and made it official, then headed home that afternoon to begin our life as a family of 3.  She was finally here - our little Hazel Mae.